


Frozen

by maeriiiiii_chan



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 09:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1978278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maeriiiiii_chan/pseuds/maeriiiiii_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't need you anymore. You are just a hindrance to the team. Let's break up" with that said the red haired guy left not looking back at his former teammate and ex-lover who was now on his knees with his head hung low his heart has been frozen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As you may have noticed in my works. I'm an Akakuro shipper. I just find those two so cute. X3 This is a new story I just came up with. I hope you guys will read it. Have fun!

I do not own Kuroko no Basket or any of the characters for that matter. Tadatoshi Fujimaki~sama owns them.

CHAPTER 1

"I don't need you anymore. You are just a hindrance to the team. Let's break up" with that said the red haired guy left not looking back at his former teammate and ex-lover who was now on his knees with his head hung low his heart has been frozen.

A few months later...

The sound of the ball bouncing. Shoes squeaking. Labored breathing as everyone tried to catch their breath. But no one seemed to be complaining about the practice. After all, it was still fresh in their minds. It had been a few weeks since the Winter Cup Finals was finished.

Flashback:

The sound of the buzzer could be heard. A sign indicating the end of the game. It had been a hard game for all of them. The whole stadium was quiet as they internalized what just happened. The players from each team were now slumped in the ground. it was obvious that the game was not an easy one. Everyone was patting and trying to catch their breath. They all stared with unbelievably wide at the score board. 110-111 The whole stadium erupted erupted in cheers and yells. The crowd went wild. it was not every day that they can witness such an intense game. They can still feel the adrenaline in their systems as though the game was still continuing. It was one of the few games everyone wished wouldn't stop. Even though they were just watching, the audience can feel the tension in the court with both teams not letting the other score higher than them. But in the end one team would still win. The outcome was unexpected though. Seirin won. Everyone in the team was crying. They can see the brilliant smiles of their teammates as they still tried to process the information. It was hard to believe that a team formed only for two years was able to stand a chance against the Kings that were in the tournament for ages now. What's more is that they were able to win against them.

End of Flashback

A teal haired guy collapsed as their practice was done. He was tired. His hands and feet hurt with all the running and passes he did during their training. He thought their coach would cut them some slack since they did win the Winter Cup but it seems like the girl had other plans and instead of giving them a break, she gave them more work and threatened to double their training resume if they complain about it. And because of that everyone just bit their tongue so they wouldn't get punished during practice. The teal haired guy looked at his teammates, all sweating and sluggish as they trudged to the locker rooms to change. He on the other hand stayed back to catch his breath. Deciding that it was too early to go back home, he stayed in the gym and played more. He was working on a new skill he realized when they were playing against Rakuzan High. It was his last shot during the game and as he tried to remember what he did, his thoughts went back to the game.

Flashback:

Kuroko sat on the floor. Too exhausted to even comprehend anything. All he knew was that they did it. They won. He can feel the hot tears flowing down each side of his emotionless face. Even without an expression, everyone could see the sparkle of happiness in his face. He thought the last shot would not go in. He can't believe he was the one who led the team to their victory. They were able to defeat Rakuzan. he was able to defeat his ex-captain. At the thought he looked at the other team. With heads hung low, hair covering their eyes. He could see how dejected they all were especially their captain who was sitting on the bench. He could not see his eyes so he could not tell what the ex-captain was feeling. Akashi was after all known for having a cold and serious face. But he knew better. All those times they spent together, he knew Akashi was anything but that. He does have a hard time showing it though. But he can see through this facade. One look in those heterochromatic eyes and he can read him like an open book. The eyes are windows to the soul after all. And the fact that he fell for him because of those mesmerizing eyes didn't change anything. After all, he still had feelings for the ex-captain.

The referee blew his whistle and told them to line up. Seirin was declared as the winners and they all shook hands with the other team. Kuroko could not help but glance at his former teammate. He seemed to still be in a daze not believing he actually lost. His frozen heart began to melt when they shook hands he then looked at the teal haired guy. "I will quit playing basketball" was what he said. It hurt. He had done his best to melt the Ice Emperor but it seems like it was futile. Kuroko could feel his heart freeze again. Kuroko too stunned to speak watched as Akashi left with the rest of the team to line up for the closing ceremony. It was declared that Seirin was the overall champion that year. They achieved it. They were the best in all Japan. But he didn't feel happy. He watched as Akashi with the rest of his team left. "Akashi-kun" he whispered. Longing for the red head to turn back but he never did.

He wanted to speak to Akashi. to tell him that he should not give up. He was about to follow him but his teammates called and told him to give the guy some time to think. It was not every day that they would be able to witness such a formidable team looking dejected because they lost. In fact they knew how awful the feeling of losing is. They knew how horrible the other team must be feeling at the moment. Kuroko sighed and followed his team.

After that, the his team went to their locker room, changed, and packed all their stuff. As a celebration for their achievement. Their coach took them to a restaurant where they can eat all they want. Their school was generous enough to shoulder the expenses of the team. As they entered the restaurant. All eyes turned to watch them. The restaurant was packed with players from different teams. They sat in a table and ordered their food. Kuroko glanced around the crowd hoping to see a certain red head. Disappointment filled his eyes when he didn't see him. Of course they wouldn't be celebrating... It was after all... hard to believe that they lost. His train of thought were broken when Kagami, his current light, shook his shoulders to get his attention.

"Oi... Kuroko, are you okay?" Kagami asked as he looked at his partner in concern. The latter shaking his head. Kagami sighed and continued to eat thinking the boy was just too tired to do anything. They all ate whole heartedly and left the restaurant with full stomachs. They all headed home in different directions. As Kuroko walked towards his house too tired to do anything, he went straight to bed and was out like a switch.

End of Flashback

He laid on the floor in the gym. Too exhausted to move. He still couldn't do it. Maybe it was just a lucky shot. But he knew it as too early to give up. He knew better. He should work harder. it would be great weapon for the next Cup. Finally finding the strength to move, he headed to the locker room and changed. When he got out he saw his coach and captain talking. He knew the two were going out with each other but kept it a secret from the team. But Kuroko, being the observant guy he is, noticed the sudden change during one of their practices. With a simple gesture, he could tell that the two were an item and were in love. Love. He too was in love. They too looked like that. Looked being the keyword. He sighed as he exited the gym and headed home. He thought of the events that occurred during these past few months and his thoughts returned to a certain red head who made him realize his potential. The guy he fell in love with. Akashi Seijuuro.

He could still remember those words as if it only happened yesterday. "I don't need you anymore. You are just a hindrance to the team. Let's break up" Akashi told him and walked away. Away from him. Away from his life. They had been lovers during their middle school years. He still had a hard time believing the red head asked him out. Everything was fine. They were happy. They were in love. But everything changed because of one incident. It all started when their coach, the one who guided and molded them collapsed. Soon after that everything fell into pieces. He tried to keep them together but the team was already falling apart. With their substitute coach telling them to do whatever they want, everyone changed except the two of them. But Kuroko could see that it was only a matter of time before Akashi snapped. The pressure was too much for a middle schooler to take even if it's Akashi we're talking about. And that day finally arrived when Murasakibara challenged the red head. To everyone who was there it looked like Akashi was about to lose but the tables turned around and he won with a Murasakibara lying on the ground seemingly terrified as he watched his captain look at him with colder and more menacing eyes telling him that his words were absolute and that there is no way he would ever lose to anyone. Since then Akashi changed. He became cold. Distant. Cruel. Kuroko could feel his heart breaking as he looked into his lovers hetero-chromatic eyes. He shuddered. The light that was there before can no longer be found and was replaced by a colder and meaner one. And not long after that, he experienced the most heart breaking event in his life when he saw his best friend Ogiwara Shigehiro and his teammates lose in the match. He could feel their hearts and dreams literally crushed as they realized that Akashi and the rest of the Generation of Miracles were only playing around and not taking them seriously. After that, Kuroko confronted them with their behavior only to be told to back off and mind his own business. When everyone but him and Akashi left, he asked his lover again why they did that. And that was when he broke up with him. Time stopped then for him. His heart was frozen. He couldn't move on. It just stopped. Ever since then they never saw each other again until the graduation day where they all declared war against each other. He then promised Akashi that he would defeat him and bring him back to his real self.

And he did. He was able to defeat him. But he wasn't sure if the Akashi he knew and loved would return. His heart ached and his stomach twisted. He didn't know if his heart could take another heartbreak. He was in too deep in his thoughts to notice that someone was following him. He stopped by Maji Burger to buy his favorite milkshake and headed home. As he walked home while sipping his favorite drink, he could not help but feel an ominous aura like someone was watching him. He looked back but didn't find anyone there. He noticed that he was a block away from home so he ran, took a sharp corner and stood there. He heard fast footsteps and knew that his instincts were correct. Someone was following him. Why, he didn't know... He was about to hit the person with his bag when he caught a glimpse of red hair. He was able to stop only a few inches from landing a blow on the persons head.

"Akashi-kun!" the teal haired suddenly exclaimed as he realized who the person was. He lowered his bag and collapsed on the ground panting from the adrenaline that coursed through his veins. Relieved it was not some psycho guy. After regaining his breath he looked up to see a hand waiting for him to take to help him get up. He took the hand and watched the red head. Knowing what was going on in the teal head's mind, the former ex-captain of Teikou answered his unspoken question.

"Tetsuya" Akashi said coolly as he looked at Kuroko whose eyes were still wide seemingly not believing that he was actually in front of him.

"I thought you were in Kyoto... Don't you have classes tomorrow?" Kuroko asked as he regained his composure from the shock earlier and put on his mask. He looked at Akashi with an expressionless face and his usual monotone voice.

"Yeah I have. But I couldn't wait until the next break to talk to you. That would be far too long already..." his voice trailed off. It had a hint of longing in it but Kuroko quickly dismissed it. That was impossible. This was the Akashi he knew now. it was impossible for him to change that easily. And besides, didn't he tell him that he would quit basketball? What more did this guy want. he already felt guilty and miserable. What did he want now and why did he come here? What was so important that he would sacrifice his time to see him. A thought came to his mind. Maybe he had changed. But he shook his head. No, No! He will not hope and endure another heartbreak again. This time he would listen until he heard the words. But he knew that was impossible.

Akashi looked into Kuroko's eyes. Seeing a glint of happiness reflect in those orbs made him hope. But he frowned when he saw the glint replaced by sadness. He cringed. This was going to be tough. Of course it would be. This is Tetsuya we're talking about. He thought and sighed.

"But why? What's so important that you have to come here to say it in my face when you could've just it to me or ordered me to go to Kyoto. It's not like I have a choice anyway. Your words are absolute after all" he said with a rather cold voice that would make anyone shiver after hearing it. He was even surprised. he didn't know he could do that until now.

Akashi inwardly flinched as he heard those words. It was the first time he ever heard his voice like that. It was too cold even for him. He knew he deserved that treatment after what he did to him not too long ago. He can feel the knots in his stomach twist. He can feel something get stuck in his throat when he was about to speak. Unfortunately nothing came out. He can't find his voice. It was the first time he felt this nervous. If it was the usual Akashi he would've been over and done with what he has to say but he's changed. He did not want to go back to being that Akashi knowing that it would hurt the people he cherished the most. Swallowing, he tried to collect his thoughts. he needed to do this if he wanted to change things.

"I came to talk to you. Actually... I've been following you since you left the gym. You didn't notice me following you. Normally you would've notice that being the observant guy you are Kuroko. I guess you were in deep thought to notice anything around you." he said in a soft voice that even he was startled. He hadn't known he was capable of producing such a gentle tone. Kuroko was taken aback by his tone and seemed to be in deep thought again. No, I must not give in that said teal haired thought.

"What is it then? Didn't you tell me you would quit basketball already. Isn't that the same as saying you never wanna talk to me again or have any connection to me" his voice was shaking. He knew it was only a matter of time before he broke down in front of the red head. He can feel his resolve breaking.

Akashi looked at the Kuroko in front of him. He could see the boy shaking. He was too vulnerable like a single touch could break him. He could see how much the boy was suffering because of him. He looked back to all the things he did and all the times he hurt him. It was too much for him. He then pulled him into a tight hug and buried his face in the crook of the teal head's neck. He could feel Kuroko freeze and let out a gasp at his actions too startled to move. He inhaled his scent. Vanilla. He really hasn't changed. he missed this. His scent and his body pressed against his own.

"Let me go" Kuroko finally said with the same cold tone while trying to push Akashi off of him. This was too much for him. His heart was confused. One part told him to give in while the other part told him to stop hoping. The latter seemed to be more sensible. He didn't want his heart to be broken again. He tried to push him again but Akashi refused to move. "Let me go please, Let me go!" gathering up all his strength, he pushed with all his might. This time, the red head seemed to be taken aback by the sudden force and let go of him. Too shocked to move, Akashi just stared at the teal haired who was glaring at him. It hurt. It hurt to know that he rejected him. Did he feel this way too when I told him to break up with me? Now I know what he felt. I thought it was just simple back then. But I can see how much pain I caused. I can feel it. His heart was sinking but he was determined to fix this.

"Just listen to me Tetsuya" he said. He realized how important Kuroko is to him now. Like food. Like air. He needed him.

"No. I don't want to hear it Akashi-kun. I don't want to listen anymore... Just please leave me alone... Let me go..." his voice was weak, vulnerable. Without looking at the red head he rushed passed him and went inside his house. With a quick greeting to his parents, he ran up to his room, locked the door and threw himself on his bed. He could feel his pillow being soaked by his tears. It hurt him to know that Akashi is hurting but he didn't want to experience another heartbreak again. it was just too much. Too much.

 

Meanwhile, outside his house, Akashi stood. The events replaying in his head over and over again. He knew it would be like this. He deserved this kind of treatment. But it hurt. It hurt too much to he hurt him to the point where he couldn't even look into his eyes. He looked at the window where Kuroko would probably be. He longed to be with him. He wanted to fix things and he was determined to do that. He will not give up. And with one last lingering glance, he left. He wanted it back. He wanted that time back. He would do anything to have that back again. He would melt Kuroko's frozen heart just like how Kuroko melted his.

\------End of Chapter 1----------


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't need you anymore. You are just a hindrance to the team. Let's break up" with that said the red haired guy left not looking back at his former teammate and ex-lover who was now on his knees with his head hung low his heart has been frozen.

I do not own Kuroko no Basket or any of the characters for that matter. Tadatoshi Fujimaki~sama owns them.

CHAPTER 2

Recap:

Meanwhile, outside his house, Akashi stood. The events replaying in his head over and over again. He knew it would be like this. He deserved this king of treatment. But it hurt. It hurt too much to he hurt him to the point where he couldn't even look into his eyes. He looked at the window where Kuroko would probably be. He longed to be with him. He wanted to fix things and he was determined to do that. He will not give up. And with one last lingering glance, he left. He wanted it back. He wanted that time back. He would do anything to have that back again. He would melt Kuroko's frozen heart just like how Kuroko melted his.

End of Recap

"...chou... aichou... Kaichou" the secretary was trying to get the attention of their Kaichou. He was spacing out during their meeting. The school festival was coming up so they were very busy. They all stared at their president as his mind seemed to be somewhere else. It was unusual for the red head to be thinking of something else while they were in a meeting. He was usually the one paying the most attention to the things that are being discussed. They were talking about the activities for the day and how to manage the budget for the festival. Standing up, he walked over to their respected president. The other were fearing for his life since they knew not to mess with the president when he was not in the mood. They knew how scary the president was when you get on his bad side. He the devil incarnation himself. The epitome of evil. They watched as the secretary touched the president's shoulder while calling out his name and they all cringed as they waited for what was to come.

"Kaichou... are you alright? Are you not feeling well? We can cancel the meeting and do it in another time. Kaichou?" the secretary said gently. He was shaking as he did this. He did not want to be punished for disturbing the red head when he was in deep thought. The president was a demon after all and no one messed with him. Even the teachers had a hard time opposing him not that they can anyway. He was afraid of what the president would do to him if he pissed him off. He knew how well acquainted the president was when it came to sharp objects especially scissors.

Akashi's POV:

"Just listen to me Tetsuya" he said. He realized how important Kuroko is to him now. Like food. Like air. He needed him.

"No. I don't want to hear it Akashi-kun. I don't want to listen anymore... Just please leave me alone... Let me go..." his voice was weak, vulnerable. Without looking at the red head he rushed passed him and went inside his house.

I flinched as I remembered the last words he spoke to me last night. It hurt. It hurt to know that Tetsuya did not want to listen to me. He seemed to have given up on me already. I was frozen. I wanted to go after him. To explain myself to him. But I couldn't move. I looked at his window. The lights were on so I guess he was already there. With one last lingering glance, I turned around and left to take the last train. It was already late last night when I arrived at my dorm. I finished my word load and went to sleep. For some reason, I was tired more than usual...

I woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside my window. I glanced at the clock. 5 minutes before 6 o'clock. I got up, fixed my bed, took a quick shower, and got dressed. I went outside my dorm and jogged. This was usual morning routine. Morning practice was the usual. We wanted to keep our bodies fit even though we don't have any games for now. I watched as my teammates chugged a bottle of water greedily. We all went to the lockers rooms, got changed and went to our respective classrooms. I took a seat and read a book while waiting for the teacher to come. Nobody dared to approach me because they all seemed terrified which was good thing for me at the moment. I don't want to be disturbed as I tried to find a way to fix the mess I made with a certain teal haired guy that wouldn't leave my mind.

The day went by quickly with the usual summoning. Once in a while someone would approach me and confess to me but I would immediately reject them saying 'I have a very busy schedule and I don't have time for that. I don't want' And besides... even if I was busy I wouldn't go out with. I couldn't... I can't give you my heart... I no longer have it...

The bell rang signaling the end of class and I went straight to the Student Council Room. We had a lot of things to discuss today with the School Festival fast approaching. I was listening to the members talk and discuss about the matters we need to attend to when my mind suddenly drifted to the teal head I just saw last night. I don't know what to do to gain his trust back. I messed up really bad. I don't know how but I will not give up until I have him back. My thoughts were broken when I felt someone touch my shoulders trying to get my attention. I glanced to the person annoyed he disturbed me from my train of thoughts.

"What is it?" I asked as I looked at him. His hands were shaking and his voice was quivering as he asked me if I was feeling okay. I inwardly cringed. Okay was an overstatement. I shook my head to free my thoughts. I was losing my focus on others things. Focus. Seijuro. Focus. I chanted to myself. I watched as the others tried not to flinch as I looked at them. I looked at my secretary again. He seemed to be expecting something. I realized I wasn't able to reply to him.

"Ah.. yeah... I'm fine. Where were we again?" I smiled as I said that. Bad move Seijuro. The student council members looked at me like I had two heads. It was the first time they saw me smile like that. I usually have a smirk or a smug grin on my face. What's more I didn't scold my secretary when he touched me. I never let anyone touch me unless I acknowledge them. Damn. I can't believe I messed up twice today. Now they know something is bothering me. If I was the usual Akashi I wouldn't be acting like this. But Kuroko changed me. He brought me back. the real me. I don't want to go back to being that cruel guy. I shook my head again. Stop thinking about these thoughts Seijuro. I really need to focus now. I cleared my throat and they all scrambled and straightened their back as the meeting continued...

End of POV

The student council meeting was finished. Everyone already left to do what they were tasked to do and only the red head remained with a stack of papers in his desk. It was the booth each class wanted to make and he had to look into each of them and approve the appropriate ones for the event. He worked fast on them and finished all the remaining workload. When the rest of the student council members arrived to give him their report for the day, he quickly went through each and every one of them without leaving anything. This was how an Akashi worked. After everything was completed for the day, he dismissed them. They all scurried out of the room relieved nothing bad happened to them. They all know what the outcome would be if they messed up some of their work. Their kaichou was a perfectionist after all. He didn't like making mistakes and they don't want to end up bald the next morning so they double check their work before giving it to the strict red head. The said kaichou gathered his things and left to go to the gym. He still had to practice and look out for the team.

He heard the squeaking of shoes and shouts of his teammates as he entered the gym. The third strings were having a match against the second strings. He watched as the ball was being passed around and stolen as the game progressed. He quietly made his way to the locker room and changed. He changed into his jersey and went outside to his teammates. Everyone stopped what they were doing when they saw the red head and bowed their heads greet their captain. He greeted them back and told them to resume the play.

Akashi's POV

I watched the game and was amused to see the third stringers giving the second stringers a hard time. The scores were close and it was only a matter of time before someone won. I watched as one player dunked the ball. Everyone was breathing heavily but no one seemed to be giving in yet. It was a tight game just like ours back then. The thought brought a smile to my face. I'm glad it was... or else I wouldn't be here standing and watching my team playing... I can still remember everything...

Flashback:

I was startled when I realized I was back in my body. The other Akashi seemed to have disappeared. I can no longer feel him. I smiled. I was back. The sound of a ball being dunk brought me back to my senses. We were in the middle of a game. A game against Seirin. My heart beat quickly shot up when I saw Kuroko in front of me. I smiled.

"It's been a while hasn't it, Kuroko?" I smiled. It really has been a while. His eyes widened when he realized what I had just said. He knew. He knew I was back. I was happy he realized. I faintly saw tear start to form in his eyes before it disappeared. This was not the time for our little reunion. We have a game to finish.

End of Flashback

At that time, I was startled when I saw Kuroko in front of me. I thought I was still in that dark place but then it dawned to me... I was back. I can finally see him face to face. The last thing I remembered was that I was in a dark place at the deep inside my consciousness. Since I was little, I already knew. I had another being living inside of me. It was like two different people inside one body. I've always been cautious as to not let him out but sometimes I'm overcome with too much emotion to comprehend what is happening around me and to think rationally. He only came twice before.

The other Akashi controlled his body during middle school when he was about to lose to Murasakibara. That was during the time when their coach collapsed and when Aomine started to skip practices. As much as he cared for his team, he didn't like being underestimated and when Murasakibara's words struck him that he would lose, he slowly drifted at the back of his consciousness. He was able to witness everything that happened until now. From the time the other Akashi first appeared to the time when he broke up with Kuroko up to now when they faced Seirin in the finals. When we were about to lose I forced myself out. I've been trying to find a way to return but the other Akashi was a formidable opponent. I tried to return to the surface. To stop him from breaking us up. But I couldn't do anything... That's why now that I'm back I will not give up... I will gain his trust back... I have to... I want him back in my life... No... I need him back in my life...

My train of thought was broken when I heard people screaming outside and the sound of a buzzer signaling the end of the game. The third stringers won. I then remembered what happened during the Winter Cup Finals.

Flashback:

The sound of the ball entering the basket filled the air. The sound of a buzzer following after. It was shocking turn of events. I looked around. My teammates had the same wide eyes as I had. We all simultaneously looked at the direction from where the shot came from. Teal hair swished and my eyes widened. Kuroko made the shot all over there from one end of the court to the other. We all looked at his in shock and awe. As far as I know Midorima was the only one who can make a successful shot from the one end of the court. Silence filled the court as no one believed what just happened. I glanced around the stadium and saw that Shintaro had the same expression as the rest of us. I looked back at Kuroko who had eyes as wide as saucers and a gapping mouth as if he himself couldn't believe what had just occurred. The sound of cheers and yells was then heard a few moments later. The crowd went wild as they had witnessed such an intense fight. I have to admit though it was the first time I gave my all in a game. The first time I ever felt like I truly played in one, not participate in it. It was the first I felt like I played a game not do a job.

Sobs filled my ears as I watched everyone in the court had tears in their eyes. Seirin were crying and sobbing. It seems we weren't the only ones who were shocked with the outcome of the match. My teammates all had their shoulders slump and head down. I hung my head low. Bangs covering my eyes. as I closed them only to open them a second later and notice that my vision was blurry. I held it all in. An Akashi never cries. We all went back to our respective benches. Everyone was panting, trying to catch their breaths. I could still feel the adrenaline coursing from the game. Everything happened so fast and in a blink of an eye the game was over. We lost. I lost. For the first time.

End of Flashback

It was shocking because there only a few seconds left and we were all on one end. No one was there on the other end to shoot the ball. I couldn't believe anyone was capable of doing that what's more this is Kuroko we're talking about. He can't shoot. No, he can shoot now but... from one end of the court to the other was... something that never seemed to cross my mind. I was too overcome with emotion back then... I flinched when I remembered telling Kuroko I would give up playing basketball... The referee told us to line up and shake hands. It had been a great match. We all shook hands with each player from the other team. I saw a hand reach out and looked up to see teal hair and emotionless face in front of me. Kuroko. I shook his hand. I could feel the electricity as we touched but quickly dismissed it. I was too upset that we lost to think clearly. before I knew it I told him that I would quit basketball. I saw his eyes widen and became glossy... I let my hand fall to the side and walked away from him. I joined my team as we lined up for the closing ceremony. We all held our head high as our school was called and I walked to the front to get our trophy. Seirin was declared the overall champion of the Winter Cup. They all went up with teary eyes and smiles in their faces. I knew Kuroko was looking at me. But I did not want to face him right now. So I kept my head hung low so that my bangs could cover my eyes. After the closing ceremony, we went to our locker room, changed, and got our bags as we left. We all headed to our bus and went straight home. No one seemed to be in the mood to celebrate.

Flashback:

When we returned to Rakuzan, the coach told us that we should hold our shoulders high. We did our best. We are still winners. This lose will be a great weapon. It will be our reason to win again. With determined faces everyone then agreed with the coach. He was about to dismiss us all to let us take a rest when I told him I had something to say. he stepped aside and I cleared my throat as I spoke.

"I already told you guys that if we lose, I will take full responsibility for it. Therefore starting now, I am no longer your captain and I would no longer play basketball again." I said as I held my head high and looked at each and every one of them. They all gapped and looked at me like I have to heads and they looked at each other before laughing. I raised an eyebrow confused as to why they are laughing. Were they trying to humiliate me further? I was about to question them when they all lunged at me and patted my head. They were laughing when they saw me frown. I was then head locked by our coach.

"What are you talking about? We didn't pick you as the captain because you always win. We picked because you were capable of leading the team to greatness. Is that really how low you thought about us. Jeez... Bakashi... You are such an idiot. Who said you will take responsibility for our lose? I'm the coach that's supposed to be my job not yours! We're a team remember! We don't want you to quit, right? " coach said as he smiled at me. I saw my senpais nod their heads in agreement. I smiled and looked at them and thank them. I'm so lucky I have teammates like this. I'm happy I'm not leaving the team. I'm happy I can still play basketball...

End of Flashback

My heart beat fast and my eyes widened when I realized what Kuroko said last night...

"What is it then? Didn't you tell me you would quit basketball already. Isn't that the same as saying you never wanna talk to me again or have any connection to me" his voice was shaking.

Oh no...

Coach was right. I really am an idiot... Basketball was where we first met. Basketball was when I first talked to him. When I first told him of his potential. When I first gave him the chance to show his hidden talent. When I first encouraged him to do his best to enter the first stringers. Basketball was where we became a team. Where we got along. Where we had fun. Basketball was the reason we became friends. The reason we became close. That's when I fell for him. That's when he fell for me...

And to quit it would mean... I no longer want to have anything to do with him... It's like saying I don't ever want to see you ever again. Before I could properly think, I had already changed with my bag on my shoulder as I talked to the vice-captain to take over for the practice explaining I had something important to do. I had to fix this before it was too late. Before everything gets out of hand again. I gotta fix this. My stomach churned at the thought of Kuroko hating me. I don't know what I would do if that happened. I don't know what I would do if he chose someone else. I abruptly stopped when I thought that there was a certain red haired guy too in their team. At the thought of Kuroko being in the arms of another man other than me, I sped up. I was determined to fix this. I will fix this. I tried to imagine a life without him in it. My heart immediately ached. My body shook. I can't. I won't be able to take it. And with that I ran as fast as I could and got on the train.

I replayed his words over and over again. My stomach twisting every time I hear his voice.

"What is it then? Didn't you tell me you would quit basketball already. Isn't that the same as saying you never wanna talk to me again or have any connection to me" his voice was shaking.

He was so vulnerable. Like he had given up on all hope. Like everything was hopeless. My breathing began to feel labored. Was he giving up? Will he give up on me already? My heart ached. I couldn't breathe. the thought of him giving up on me was...

No... no... no...! Tetsuya... I didn't mean it! Please... please... hear me out... Tetsuya...

End of POV

~~~~~END of Chapter 2~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand done with Chapter 2!
> 
> I suddenly remembered Kaichou wa Maid-Sama when I was writing the first part. .  
> kyaaaah! Thank you guys for reading my story!   
> Thanks so much! So ummm... tell me what you guys think of this chapter. Please review! :")))


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:**

Hey guys, I'm baaaaaaaack :) So so sorry I was gone for a while. School has been hard TT^TT. I couldn't manage my time well. Anyways, Hope you enjoy reading this chapter, however late it may be. :)

 

**Recap:**

He was so vulnerable. Like he had given up on all hope. Like everything was hopeless. My breathing began to feel labored. Was he giving up? Will he give up on me already? My heart ached. I couldn't breathe. the thought of him giving up on me was...

No... no... no...! Tetsuya... I didn't mean it! Please... please... hear me out... Tetsuya...

**End of Recap**

**Chapter 3**

**Akashi's POV**

 

I have to fix this. I've got to fix this. That was the only thing I could think of as I made my way out of the gym. I immediately my driver. I need to get to Tokyo fast. As I waited for my driver, I tried to imagine what would happen when I see him again. I really hope he would give me another chance. I need that chance. Different scenarios entered my mind but the majority of them if not all seem bleak. Dammit Seijuuro stop being pessimistic. This is so unlike you. Well, I don't think I've been myself since we last spoke. I don't like this. I don't like this vulnerable side of me. But I only have myself to blame for this. This is the consequence of my actions. As an Akashi, I must take responsibility. No. As a person who is afraid to lose the one thing that has made such an impact and difference in my life, I need to do this. I can't imagine a world, a life without Tetsuya in it. Just the thought of it made my stomach twist. I need Tetsuya in my life. I've got to fix this. I was so lost in thought that I did not notice my driver was already there waiting for me.

 

"Äkashi-sama, are you feeling alright? You seem a bit pale. Is there something wrong? Are you in pain" my driver asked, panicking.

 

I could see the worry in his face. Kuso, Seijuuro. Just how many times are you going to mess things up today? I quickly masked whatever expression I had on my face and closed my eyes. I cleared my throat and made sure to keep my expression indifferent. I do not want my father to find out about this. There will be consequences and I don't have much power in my hands right now to stop him if he does something. No, I must not think about that. Tetsuya is my main priority right now. I regained my composure and my driver that everything is okay. I quickly went inside the car and told him that we must go to Tokyo immediately.

 

"Hai, Akashi-sama." my driver said without much complaint.

 

However, I can see it in his eyes that he is curious as to why I would want to go there. I have a feeling that my father will be hearing about this. And that is something that I cannot afford to get to me at the moment. And with that we left the school in silence. I knew that the next few hours will be difficult. I know how stubborn my Tetsuya can be when he wants to. My Tetsuya? Do I still have the right to call him mine when I deliberately hurt him and abandoned him a few times already? I know sorry won't cut this. It's not enough. I need to work hard to earn his trust and love back. I need that back. HIM back. And I am willing to do everything to achieve that. I closed my eyes and rested. I'm gonna need all the energy I can get.

 

**\-----------------------------TIME SKIP----------------------------------**

 

I was awakened by the loud honking of cars. By the sound of that, it seemed we have arrived to Tokyo. It is still as busy as ever. Everyone seems to be running on tight schedule here. It's like they are afraid lose their job if they are late or something. I too am here because I'm afraid to lose something. Someone in particular. As I saw the familiar road and lights ahead, for the first time in my life, I felt nervous. Terrified even. I have entered a lot of competitions. I've attended my father's meetings. I even presented in front of a whole group of business tycoons. But never have I felt this fear. Oh Tetsuya, only you. Only you can make me feel this way. It's only with you that I can feel like I'm alive. A real person. Not a robot that was programmed by my father to be a perfect person.

 

As we turned the final corner, I can feel my palms sweating. I can hear a loud thumping sound. I was about to ask my driver what that was or if there is a construction site near fearing for Tetsuya's safety when I realized it was my heart. I looked at my driver, curious if he could hear my heart thumping loudly in my chest. I couldn't breathe well. It's like something is stuck in my throat. I tried to be subtle and took a deep breath. "An Akashi must never let anyone see his vulnerable side." I remembered what my father would always tell me. I must not show any sign of weakness. But I also remember what my mother has told me. "An Akashi is strong and must stand firm. But he is only human. He needs someone who will be there with him when he is vulnerable. You must choose wisely the person who will stay by your side. An Akashi must not let anyone but that person to see his vulnerable side. For he will be there to comfort you in your times of weakness." I can still remember her gentle voice and warm touch. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't know basketball. If I don't know basketball I wouldn't be able to meet Tetsuya. Only Tetsuya has seen me in my lowest point. Only he can save me. Only him and no one else.

 

The car comes to a stop just outside of the gates of Seirin High. This is it. My chance to fix this. To tell him how I feel. I tell my driver to meet me at the designated place we always meet when I visit Tokyo. I got out of the car and watched as the car left. I took another shaky breath to try and calm my nerves. Damn it isn't working. I can feel my self shaking with each step I take. I ignored the blatant stares I am getting. It isn't everyday that a student from another high school comes here to visit. But they can't know that if I'm still wearing my jersey so I'm guessing that with the Winter Cup finals just a few week ago, a lot of them might have recognized me as the captain of Rakuzan. I continued walking as if I did not know they were staring at me. The gym was in view now. I can see some of the basketball players entering. I can hear the squeaking of their shoes as they practiced. I'll wait until practice is over. That way there are no disturbances and we can be alone. I decided to roam around the school.

 

**\-----------------------------TIME SKIP----------------------------------**

 

Practice was almost over when I got back to the gym. I can hear the coach saying a few more things before she dismissed them. Up until now, it still amazed me how a high school girl can become a coach not to mention work efficiently on their training resume. I will have to have a conversation with her one of these days. I am quite intrigued with how she managed to make such a strong team when the basketball team was only running for two years with Seirin being a relatively new school. That is, if I can still go back here. If Tetsuya doesn't want to see me again... No, Seijuuro. Not now. Don't think about negative things. You can't afford to lose sight of your goal. I need to fix this first.

 

I can hear shoes squeaking and some stomping then I saw some of them leaving the gym. I can hear some of them complaining about how sore their bodies are gonna be tomorrow. They seemed to have had a rough practice today. I worried about Tetsuya's condition. He always had a weaker stamina than the rest so I'm sure he's had a harder time coping with the practice than the rest of them. Kagami seemed to be in a rush. He was running frantically like something was chasing him. Something felt wrong. I didn't see Tetsuya with him. As much as I hate seeing those two together, this seemed pretty odd to me. I waited and waited. But there seems to be no sign of Tetsuya anywhere so I entered the gym to find that the coach was the only person left. I could feel my heart beating fast. What happened? Why is Tetsuya not here? Is he sick? He seemed to be alright when we saw each other last night. All these thoughts seem to swirl in my head. Don't panic Seijuuro. This is no time to be panicking and losing your cool.

 

"Aida-san, have you seen Tetsuya? I didn't see him go outside with the others." I asked keeping my voice impassive.

 

"No, actually he did not go to practice at all. It seemed like he wasn't in class too. I couldn't contact him on his phone either." She seemed to be surprised at my sudden appearance but went on to tell me. What in the hell happened?

 

"Oh just wait till I see him. I gonna give him a punishment he won't ever forget. I going to double his-" She continued talking but all of this fell deaf to my ears. I was in panic mode now. I thanked her.

 

"Oh wait Akashi-san. Can you bring nigou to his house? He was at my place last night because Kuroko suddenly left yesterday. And can you tell him to contact me as soon as he can. Thank you very much." She bowed as she said that.

 

I took nigou and cradled him in my arms. I thanked her again and left the gym. Determined to give nigou to Tetsuya without any scratch. As I looked into the dog's eyes, he reminded me of the same pair of eyes that have captivated me I stopped panicking. I took a deep breath to calm my raging nerves. What could have happened. Did someone kidnap him? At that thought, I felt like something punched me in the gut. No, it can't be. Shit Seijuuro stay calm. I gripped nigou tightly in my arms causing him to yelp a bit. That seemed to have brought me back to my senses. I quickly apologized to him. Nigou seemed to have felt my anxiousness as he suddenly licked my cheek. A signed that seem to mean he forgives me and maybe to comfort me too. I couldn't but smile a little bit at how similar he is to his master. Tetsuya always knows how to calm me down. As soon as I though of that, I hurriedly left the school premises and ran to the familiar streets I have grown accustomed to ever since middle school.

 

As I made my way to Tetsuya's house, I decided to bond with his dog too. This dog will also be my companion when I fix this. That's why I will not give up until he forgives me for my mistakes. The pain that I have caused him is something that a simple sorry won't be able to mend and I am ready to face whatever challenges come my way. If it means I could be with him again, I am prepared to sacrifice anything and everything. This time I will be the one who will fix him. If he gives me another chance, I will never let that hand go again. Only if he doesn't want me anymore will I let that precious hand go. Until then, I will hang on. Even if I only have a small chance. I will still take it. Because this time, I've made up my mind. This time, it is my turn to chase after him. And once he lets me catch him, I won't ever let that warmth leave again. I don't want to remain in that cold place ever again. I don't want that cold feeling. I don't want to be alone again. I don't want to be in solitude. Once I fix this, I will bathe in that warmth. A warmth only he can give me.

 

As I rounded the corner to his house, I felt my heart stop at the scene in front of me. If what I'm seeing is true, I don't know how I'm going to recover. I stood frozen as the scene unfolded in front of me. My vision is getting blurry as I felt the tears forming in my eyes. A million thoughts ran into my mind. But only these words left my mouth...

 

 

...No, No, not Tetsuya...

 

...No, no, no...

 

...Please Not Tetsuya...

 

 

**~~~~~END of Chapter 3~~~~~**

 

First of all, I would like to apologize for this very late update. I have been having a really hard time at school and took summer classes. I could not write a decent work for chapter 3. I had tried many times but I failed. However, due to some circumstance, I ended up not leaving school for a while due to personal problems. I decided to try writing again. I apologize if there are any errors. Please bear with me. I haven't written in a while. And I just write whatever pops into my mind so sorry if there are redundant stuff there. Please give share your thoughts on this and if you have any suggestions on how I can improve my writing and story I am open to them. Thank you for reading this. Once again, I apologize for the late update. _


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note:

So it has been a few months since I last updated. I’ve been trying to get better. But it only seems to me like I’m a huge failure. I’m sorry.

 

 

**Recap:**

 

As I rounded the corner to his house, I felt my heart stop at the scene in front of me. If what I'm seeing is true, I don't know how I'm going to recover. I stood frozen as the scene unfolded in front of me. My vision is getting blurry as I felt the tears forming in my eyes. A million thoughts ran into my mind. But only these words left my mouth...

 

...No, No, not Tetsuya...

...No, no, no...

...Please Not Tetsuya...

 

**End of Recap**

 

**Chapter 4**

 

 

**Akashi POV**

They say when you die, life flashes before your eyes. Everything is in slow-motion as you witness flashbacks of what unfolded in each chapter of your life. From the moment you first opened your eyes to the world, to the childhood memories that you have forgotten, up until you reach your end. But they say that's not all. You watch the happiest moments in your life but you also witness those regrets you had. The what ifs, had I, If only, why didn’t I? Some say the last thing you witness is the site of the most important people in your life and the moments you had with them.

 

 

_The first time you met._

 

**\----------Flashback----------**

Shintaro, Atsushi and I left the gym together after checking if every equipment was placed in the storage room. The coach will get angry if anything goes missing and that would interrupt practice. Something I don't want to happen because it would waste precious time looking when we should be improving ourselves for the tournament. It was already late and everyone in the club should be out of the school by now. We when we heard the sound of shoes squeaking and someone panting. It seemed to be coming from the other gym so I decided to check if someone was still inside practicing. The lights in the gym we're on and the sound of a ball bouncing can be heard from the outside. I was about to open the door when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

 

"They said nobody goes in this gym because it's haunted." Shintaro said as he pushed his glasses in place with a serious expression. I, however, just looked at him with a bored expression that clearly said I don't believe him.

 

"There were two first years who were practicing one time, it was already evening, but they decided to practice some more. When they were done, they put everything in the storage room, turned off the lights and left to change in the locker room. They were heading home when they heard a ball bouncing and the sound of shoes squeaking inside the gym. They decided to come back and check if anyone was in there and saw that the lights were on. They thought it was odd because they were the only ones practicing in the gym this late. When they entered the gym, they saw a ball in the court bouncing and then rolling until it stopped. They were already feeling scared but they decided to put the ball in the storage room and that's when the lights went off. According to the guard, he heard shouts coming from the gym and went to check what was happening only to find the two guys shivering and looking pale. When the guys decided to tell the others, they only laughed and decided to check it out themselves only to return the next morning pale and saying it happened to them too.  After that there were several instances of this happening and since then nobody used the gym." He explained again.

 

"Scary. Aka-chin do you have candy" Atsushi said as he searched his bag for food. He didn't seem as bothered as Shintaro was.

 

I mentally sighed as I thought of what to do. An akashi must never allow circumstances such as this hinder me from my goal. And my goal is to find out what is happening in that gym. The sound of a bouncing ball can still be heard only this time a voice also accompanied it making Shintaro jump. I decided to open the door only to find Daiki in there. So he was here. The coach was trying to find him since he was skipping practice. But I guess he just wanted to practice alone.

 

"Akashi" Daiki said as he watched as walk in.

 

"I thought I hadn't seen you lately. You were here?" I said as we approached him.

 

"Yeah, since the other gym's pretty crowded. So the two of us always practice here." Daiki said as he looked at us.

 

"The two of you?" I asked confused since he was the only one we noticed when we entered. I looked around the gym trying in search of his companion only to be startled that he was right in front of us. I heard Shintaro jump, shocked that there was really someone there.

 

"Ha! That's my exact expression when I first saw him. You were scared weren't you, Midorima?" Daiki said as he laughed clearly enjoying Shintaro's reaction.

 

"Huh? Was there a guy like this in our team?" Atsushi asked as he ate a snack he found in his bag.

 

I looked at the guy in front of us. He intrigued me. How was he able to make his presence seem so little. He had teal hair and was a few centimeters shorter than me. For some reason this made me happy. I was surrounded by guys taller than me in the club and to find someone who is shorter than me made me slightly happy. I can tell he has practiced a lot. Yet with so little presence.

 

"I'm slightly interested in him." I said as I observed him. Even in my presence he was expressionless. It was the first time I met someone who didn't show any sign that he was intimidated by my presence.

 

"I'm sorry, but can you come with me for a minute?" I asked him as I looked into his eyes. It was the color of the sky and I could tell that I would easily get lost in them. However, I will not show my weakness to others. Mother always said that I will only show my weakness to the one that I have chosen. I will not let the others see beyond what is there, that I am more than slightly interested in this teal head teen.

 

**\----------Time Skip----------**

I watched as he tried to shoot another ball and failed to get it in the ring. It has been quite some time since I experienced what bewilderment felt like. The way his hair moved as he jumped. I wonder how that would feel in my hands. Would it be as silky as it looks? I tried not to let my expression slip reminding myself there were still other people in the gym.

 

"It's the first time I've ever seen.... someone who is so serious about basketball, yet has no fruits to show for their labors." I stated as I watched in disbelief how someone who is so dedicated in the sport he loves can't seem to show progress in it. I watched in fascination as his expression changed slightly.

 

"I'm sorry.... I'm not in the mental state to accept that statement." *Click* I can hear the gears in my head. It's like something switched on as I listened to his voice. This is not good. I'm slipping. No Seijuro. Must maintain my expression.

 

"I apologize..... That's not what I meant" I said trying to reason that it was not my intention to look down on him. My brain is clearly not functioning right if I can't find the right words to speak in a conversation. Especially something as important as this. I took a deep breath to steady myself. Calm down.

 

"I find it laudable." I said finally finding the right word. His expression changed again this time shocked. Yosh, good job Seijuro.

 

"Your motor skills aren't terrible. Your career and amount of practice are enough to call you a veteran. Yet still, I feel nothing at all looking at you." I said trying to find the right words. I may be interested in him but I have to find the appropriate words to use so I can motivate him. I have a feeling he is gonna be something the team will need in the future.

 

"This is quite a peculiar thing. Practice hard in a sport and anyone's seasoned veteran's aura will show through. It's something that's bound to show. Yet you lack so much presence. This is not a fault but an advantage for you. If you can capitalize on it, It's sure to become an enormous weapon for the team." I said trying to explain myself further. Now that I was finally able to find someone who intrigues me, I will not allow him to slip through my hands. But what I said was not solely based on my own personal goal. It was a logical reasoning to this odd but intriguing phenomenon. Everything I said was true. I can tell that he practiced a lot but how is it that he has so little presence?

 

"Capitalize on the lack of presence? Can I do something like that?" He said as he looked at me and I can see the hope in his eyes. It seems that he has thought of giving up. He must've realized that he is not improving even when he practiced more than anyone. It is getting late now and they are still here in the gym. It shows how much dedication he has. But this must've been the last straw for him and he has decided to give up but with what I said, I seemed to have brought some hope back into him. But I must tell him what i think.

 

"I'm sorry, but this is as much as I can say. When you find the answer, come see me." I said as I lifted by schoolbag. As much as I want to help him, only he can help himself. Now that I have brought some hope back into his eyes, I hope that he would be able to do something. And with that I left the gym along with Shintaro and Atsushi.

 

That was the last time I saw him in a while. And when we finally met again, he looked different.

 

**\---------** **End of Flashback** **\----------**

_The first time I was truly amazed by him._

 

**\---------** **Flashback** **\----------**

 

“Hey, Akashi! You have a visitor.” A member of the first string said as I watched him lead Kuroko Tetsuya to me. Yes, I know. I was finally able to get his name. After our last encounter, I almost smacked myself when I realized I didn’t ask for his name. It took me a while to figure it out since I didn’t want to ask Daiki. My pride wouldn’t let me. Even for someone as skilled as me, it took me a week to find out who he is. He has no friends since his presence is too little. The teachers can’t recognize him. And the third string don’t know him.

 

“It’s been three months, Kuroko-kun. Found the answer?” I asked as I looked at him. It’s been three months. Some people would say that that time would be enough to forget someone you only met once. But it was the exact opposite for me. I haven’t forgotten him at all. And how here he is standing before my eyes. He looked different. His hair was longer and his built was a bit different. He grew a couple of centimeters. But the most apparent change was his eyes. They held something in them that I haven’t seen before.

 

“Yes.” That was all he said but I can hear so much more with that one word.

 

“Then let’s start the test.” I said and turned to look for a ball. I can feel the excitement I only feel when I discover something new. I don’t want him to tell me the answer. I want him to show me. I want to witness it unravel before my eyes.

 

“Um…. If possible, can you take a look at it in a game?” He said and looked at me seriously. He was different from before even if the others can’t tell I can feel the difference. Maybe it’s because we have a connection different from that of others? Seriously Seijuro, you need to stop this. You don’t even know him that well for him to call you a friend. I should really slow down and let him catch up in my pace.

 

_I guess it’s time to witness what this peculiar phenomenon can do in just a span of three months._

 

**\---------Time Skip----------**

 

“When did he…”

 

“Where’d he sprout from?”

 

Stunned. Astonishment. Astounded. That would only be some of the words to describe the game we are currently witnessing in front of our eyes.

 

“Hey, what is this? I’m surprised with the passes, but is it really possible to lose sight of him midgame?” Nijimura-senpai said as he watched the game. Not believing that it is possible for such a small change create this much difference in the flow of the game.

“Misdirection. A technique to guide lines of sight often used in magic. For instance, before cutting, line of sight and gestures guide a person’s eyes to the ball or other players. Coupled with his original lack of presence, he disappears from the court as if a phantom.” I supplied to Nijimura-senpai as I watched how much different the Kuroko Tetsuya now is to the Kuroko Tetsuya back three months ago.

 

The buzzer rang. 25-31. The end of the game.

 

“Did you know that it was all going to end up like this?” Nijimura-senpai asked as he continued to watch not wanting to miss a single moment. I can hear the astonishment in his voice, coupled with the trembling excitement I know he feels. This can totally change how basketball is played in our generation. And this new found talent will make teiko an even greater team than it is now. I laughed a little.

 

“No, this is beyond my expectations.” I said as I looked down, closed my eyes and smiled a little. It was the truth. What we had witnessed before our very own eyes was beyond my expectations. I never knew that that little bit of advice I gave him would turn out like this.

 

**\---------** **End of Flashback** **\----------**

 

_The first time I ever felt excitement in a game._

 

**\---------** **Flashback** **\----------**

 

“Haizaki! Where are you now?..... Ha? Haizaki is absent with a cold.” I can feel the anger radiating from Nijimura-senpai. This is not good. To get sick when there is a game.

 

“Kuroko, you’re on the starting lineup in his place.” I heard our coach tell Kuroko. I looked at Kuroko and I can tell how nervous he is. This is the first time that he will be playing in game. I wonder how his play will be today.

 

**\---------Time Skip----------**

 

It was lunch. The game didn’t go as smoothly. Kuroko couldn’t perform well during the game and it made me wonder why. I have a feeling the coach is gonna demote Kuroko after his performance today. I knew he was nervous but he shouldn’t let that hinder him. He could not match up with the team and it made me think of the possible reasons as to why that is.

 

It wasn’t until Atsushi threw Daiki’s wallet to Kuroko that I noticed the problem. It was the timing.

 

“You need to correct your passing speed. The first stringers are agile. Start a step sooner than with second or third stringers or you won’t make it. In short, it’s a matter of timing. That, and misdirection becomes vastly effective only when you can control your on-court presence. To do that, don’t openly show your emotions.” I said. An Akashi doesn’t make a mistake. I knew had potential and I’m not going to waste that potential that he has. I wonder how he will utilize my advice this time. I know he knows that this is his last chance to prove himself.

 

“Fighting spirit is necessary. But keep it inside.” I said as I poked his heart to get to my point. As Kuroko heard those words, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. And when he opened those eyes again, he looked different than the game before.

 

“I understand.” He told me as he looked at me in the eyes. Gone was the nervousness and in its place was a different version of Kuroko.

 

**\---------Time Skip----------**

 

I heard Shintaro gasp as he watched in stunned silence as the ball curved and headed toward his way. I looked at Atsushi as he seemed to be in the same predicament as Shintaro. The balls were easier to catch and faster than before. No time was wasted in the scrimmage. I watched as Daiki yet again scored another point. I looked at the members of the opposing team. Astonishment written in their faces as they could not believe what was happening. The panic in their eyes can be seen and I knew that the flow of the game has turned drastically to our favor.

 

The passes we’re solid and getting to the members at an impossible timing. It was the first time that a game felt this easy and relaxed. I knew from watching how incredible the passes are. But it’s different when you are a part of the game. You can’t help but be shocked when the ball, out of nowhere is suddenly passed towards you. I can feel the pounding in my heart. But it is not from exhaustion or over exertion. I have this huge urge to smile or laugh. I-I know this feeling. I felt it before when my mother first introduced basketball to me. This is what I felt the first time I played basketball.

 

For the first time, in a long time, I felt excitement.

 

**\---------** **End of Flashback** **\----------**

_The moment I realized I was in love with you._

**\---------** **Flashback** **\----------**

It has been a few months since Kuroko became a member of permanent member of the team. Atsushi and Shintaro have accepted him and respected his individuality. They have experienced firsthand how much Kuroko’s ability can affect the flow of the game. Daiki has been practicing with us more often now. The team seemed to be getting along much more now than before. There were lesser fights now because kuroko is the mediator. Ever since Kuroko came everything has changed. It changed for the better. I smiled as I thought of how different the team was before Kuroko and now, I can’t think of the team without Kuroko in it.

 

“Äkashi…. Just smiled” I turned to the sound to see the sight of a stunned Daiki. Atsushi dropped his snack and Shintaro’s glasses cracked.

 

**\---------Time Skip----------**

 

I was on my way to gym when I noticed a peculiar sight. I can feel the dread as I watched Kuroko talking with a girl.

 

“Kuroko-kun, this past few months you have been different and I couldn’t help but notice you. Ever since you joined the basketball team, I have come to notice you. I- you’re really amazing at what you do a-and… I…. I-I like you. Please go out with me.” The girl said as she bowed down.

I can feel the strange thumping in my chest as I watched Kuroko come closer to the girl. He leaned in and the action did a strange twisting in my stomach. For some reason, I can hear the loud thumping of my heart. The dread I was feeling was increasing and the heaviness in my chest seems to have gotten heavier as time went by. I watched Kuroko lean closer to the girl seeming to have said something to her in a whisper. It was getting harder to breathe and I had no idea why the sight before me was bothering me. I have witnessed confessions before and have received a few myself but it never felt like this. It was painful. And as I watched Kuroko’s lips move, the pain grew.

 

It was only a few moments but it felt like an eternity when Kuroko pulled away. The girl bowed again and said thank you. I didn’t know what was said between them. Why was the girl thanking him? Are they going out now? Has Kuroko accepted the confession? Will I be seeing that girl in the gym a lot? Will I witness them together? Holding hands? Or Ki-kissing?

 

With each thought, I can still feel the thumping in my heart. _What about me?_ And it was then that I realized…….

 

_I was in love._

**\---------** **End of Flashback** **\----------**

 

_The first time I broke down._

 

**\---------** **Flashback** **\----------**

 

It has been a week since the confession. And every day since then, I have been seeing that girl visit the gym. I have seen her around Kuroko for a while now and they seem to be having fun in front of my eyes. Are they really going out now? But I haven’t seen them holding hands or hugging. Only talking. That was it. What does that mean then?

 

I can feel the dread coming back. Why did I only realize now that I was in love with Kuroko? Why did it take watching him belong to someone else for me to wake up?

 

**\---------Time Skip----------**

 

Basketball practice just finished a while ago and everyone is already went home. I was the last one left and I was checking if everything was in place and put in the storage room. I was also checking if the rooms have been locked. So far, everything was in place and perfect.

 

After a thorough checkup, everything was in place. I was gathering my things, lost in thought of what occurred during this past week, that I didn’t notice the door open. It was only when I heard someone calling my name that I was snapped out of my thoughts. I turned to see Kuroko looking at me.

 

“Akashi-kun are you okay? You have been acting weird lately. Is there something wrong?” Kuroko said concern etching in the features of his face.

 

“N-no, no. Everything is…. Everything is okay. Don’t worry about me.” I said silently reprimanding myself for yet again another slip up. Why is it that Kuroko can see beyond my façade?

 

“Akashi-kun, I know something is wrong. You have been acting weird and even Kise-kun noticed” Kuroko argued. I was taken aback that even Kise who is the most clueless person in the team, notice something was wrong with me.

 

“It’s okay Kuroko. I can handle it.” I reasoned as I smiled. Bad mistake. Akashi Seijuro never smiles.

 

“Akashi-kun stop pretending that everything is okay. You just made a fake smile. You never do that. I know something is wrong and I am want to help if I can.” Kuroko said with determination clear in his voice.

 

“No, it’s okay. I’m just a bit tired from working in the student council and being the vice-captain of the team. Come on, let’s leave. It’s getting late you should head back home too.” I said as I headed for the door trying to avoid any further discussion.

 

As I was locking the door, Kuroko seemed to have gotten quiet. I sighed in relief. This is my problem. I shouldn’t involve anyone else in it. Especially Kuroko. Especially him. As I turned around, I was yet again taken aback by Kuroko. He had his hands on either side of me with my back against the door effectively trapping me.

 

“You can lie to everyone else but I can see through it Akashi-kun.” Kuroko said with his head down. I can hear the seriousness in his voice. It was the first time I’ve heard him this serious. What is wrong with him? Why can’t he just leave me alone? I don’t need anyone worrying about me. I’ve been okay with getting by on my own. I’m okay with being alone.

 

“Tetsuya, It’s okay. I’m okay” I said. My voice nothing but a whisper but I know he heard me. Not noticing I called him by his first name.

 

“No! It’s not! Why can’t you rely on me? Why? It’s okay to rely on someone from time to time!” Kuroko said as he slammed his hands on the door. A loud smacking sound can be heard.

 

I’ve had enough. If I don’t get away now, I’ll end up saying something that I’ll regret. I tried to get away but it seemed like I lost my strength. Why is he doing this? What does he know about me? Who is he to tell me what to do? Why can’t he just go back to that girl and be happy with her? Why must he mess up my life? I’ve had enough. I can still hear him saying something but I can’t tell what it is. This is too much for me. Even an Akashi has his limits.

 

“Because I love you okay! Tetsuya, I love you…” I said looking at him. Finally fed up that this is happening. It was like a switch was triggered inside of me and before I knew it the words were already out of my mouth.

 

I looked with horror as I watched the shocked emotion in his faces. No! Why did I say that? I crouched with my arms around my head. I have never felt as pathetic as this time. Not since my mother passed away. Not wanting to look at him wishing to myself I could disappear. I felt him move. His body slumped before he reached for my hands wanting to pry them away from my face. I struggled but the strength still hasn’t come back. Have I gone weak because of love?

 

_For the first time…. I was terrified._

 

 

**\---------** **End of Flashback** **\----------**

 

_The happiest moment of my life_

 

**\---------F** **lashback** **\----------**

I felt him pry my hands away from my face. Locking them to my sides. I closed my eyes not wanting to look at him. Ashamed of my behavior. My heart pounding heavily in my chest wanting to come out. I can hear the loud thumping of my heart as if it was right next to my ears and I wondered if he could hear it too.

“Seijuro” The moment he said my name I forgot everything and looked at his face. His eyes held an emotion even the great Akashi Seijuro could not decipher. It was an emotion unknown to me.” Something I haven’t seen before.

 

“What did you just say?” He asked as I looked into his eyes seemingly hypnotized. But the moment I heard him utter those words, it was like a bucket of water was thrown at me. I shivered as I he looked at me.

 

“Just now…. Can you please repeat those words to me? I think I heard you wrong.” He looked at me again with that same emotion earlier. One I couldn’t decipher.

 

“Tetsuya, it’s okay. I’m okay” I said hoping he didn’t hear my confession.

 

“No, no. You said something different. I know what I heard. I just need to say it again. I promise I won’t be mad.” He said trying to convince me it was okay.

 

“No. You’ll be disgusted. We’re both guys. It-just forget what I said.” If the former Seijuro sees me like this. He’ll think I’m pathetic.

 

“Just say it. I’ll decide for myself. I promise I won’t look at you any differently.” The moment he said he won’t look at me differently made that little bit of hope I had left deflate. That means after I say those words things will go back to the way they were before. I guess that would be for the best. The moment he rejects me, I will be able to move forward from this one sided love. I took a deep breath.

 

“I love you, Tetsuya.” I said with as much emotion as I can muster. I smiled as I said it but I can feel myself trembling.

“You can reject me now.” I said while trying to smile. I can barely see his face. The amount of moisture in my eyes hindering me from looking at his expression.

 

“I know you’re happy with your girlfriend. I’ll be okay. You can reject me now. I’m sure your girlfriend is wai-” I continued only to be stopped by his hand.

 

“Girlfriend? What are you talking about?” He asked looking at me with confusion. Now it was time to be confused.

 

“The one who confessed to you a week ago. I saw you with her this week. I thought you two were together?” I asked. What is happening here? I don’t understand.

 

“You mean Sakura-san?” I nodded. Just hearing him say her name made me clench my hand. And then he laughed. I felt embarrassed. Nobody had ever made me feel like this before. I knew confessing to another guy is weird but I’ve never thought Tetsuya would laugh at me. He stopped laughing and noticed my expression when I tried to back away from him.

 

“No no. I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing because you said Sakura-san and I are going out. We’re not. She just wanted to get to know me better. I told her that before saying she likes me, she should know who I am up close and not just by looking far away. We agreed to get to know each other for a week. It’s Friday now. Our agreement is broken. I already rejected her. I came here after rejecting her. This past week has made me realize a lot of thing. And it made me open my eyes.” He told me sincerely looking at me making me want to believe him. I don’t say anything. I don’t know what to say.

 

“Like I said, this past week has made me realize a lot of thing. And it made me open my eyes. I rejected her because I realized I was in love with someone else.” He said looking at me. It felt like knives were being thrown at me.

 

“I understand. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry. I’ll get over you someday.” I said my arms limp at my sides. This was it.

 

“Did you not hear what I said?” He was frustrated about something.

 

“I get it, okay. I know you’re in love with someone else.” I said wanting this conversation to be over. He shook his head.

 

“I realized I’m in love with someone else Akashi-kun. Why do you think I would go here after rejecting her?” He was clearly saying something and I wasn’t getting where this conversation was going. I was about to speak when he grabbed the back of my head and touched my forehead to his. I involuntarily looked up. He was looking at me with that same emotion I couldn’t decipher. What is it?

 

“…love you… Akashi-kun.” I was deep in thought trying to decipher what it was that was there in his eyes that I almost didn’t hear what he said. My heart started to pound heavily in my chest. I can feel the slight ringing in my ears. I can’t believe I just heard what I thought I did.

 

“Wow… what a loud heartbeat.” He said with a smile on his face.

 

“It’s not mine.” I said trying to deny the inevitable.

 

“I know. It’s mine.” He said and as I looked at his face, I knew he was telling the truth. I lifted my hand to his neck to feel his pulse beating as fast as mine. And like a bucket of cold icy water was thrown at me, I realized he was in love with me.

 

“You-you’re in love with me?” I said with disbelief clear in my voice and face. And suddenly it was like I was thrown in another world and it felt like everything glowed. It was already dark but it looked like everything was glowing. I have no words to describe what phenomenon I am currently witnessing unfold in my eyes. It left me breathless. Not the same breathless as when I thought he was going out with a girl but a different good type of breathless. I don’t know what I’m thinking about. It’s like all the rationality left and what just remained is a different part of me. One I have yet to venture in on.

 

“Yes” He sounded breathless like he couldn’t believe this was happening too. I pulled him close until I can feel our hearts beating together. It felt nice to hold someone like this. I felt like I was on the top of the worlds. Is this what it feels like after reaching the tip of Mount Everest? It left me breathless to know that such an emotion exists. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like this. Had I not met Tetsuya, would I be able to feel this? I have no answer for that and I don’t intend to find out. I know one thing though, Tetsuya makes me feel this. He’s the reason I was able to discover this new feeling and it feels good to have it. And I’m not planning on letting this go anytime soon. I have no intention of ever letting this go. And I have no intention of letting Tetsuya go.

 

I cupped his face and looked into his eyes asking him silently. He gave me a slight nod and grabbed my clothes pulling me closer. As I leaned down, he closed his eyes and for a moment I watched his face glow before sealing everything with a kiss.

 

**\---------** **End of Flashback** **\----------**

 

Why? With each flashback I could only ask myself why this all happened to me? Why everything back then happened? Why was I suddenly thrown out of my body only to return a year or so later to fix the damage my other self has done. Why didn’t I fight more? Why?

 

_“Because you were weak. You needed me. You know you still need me.”_ The other me whispered.

 

“NO! I don’t! I don’t need you anymore!” I shouted at him.

 

_“Yes, you do. You know, you do. We still haven’t finished our goal. We still have a lot of things to do.”_ He whispered again. Trying to convince me that I still need him.

 

“NO, I don’t! This is your fault! If it wasn’t for you, Tetsuya and I would still be together.” I shouted at him again. It was all his fault.

 

_“It was inevitable at that time. We had to let him go. You know why, right? Why won’t you just admit it? There would’ve been a lot of consequences had we not let him go.”_ He whispered again trying to reason with me.

 

“NO! NO! I had to let him go. You chose to throw him away like that. I wouldn’t have done it like that had I been in control. I wouldn’t have let him go like that!” I said to him. I would’ve found a solution had I been in control. A different choice. But I couldn’t because the other me wouldn’t let me.

 

_“Just admit it. You were weak. That’s why I was able to gain control of you at the time. Had you not been weak, had you been stronger, we wouldn’t have lost Tetsuya.”_ He whispered again, blaming me.

 

“Shut up! Shut up! Why are you speaking as if you’re the one who lost someone? You don’t love Tetsuya. Only I do. So shut up!” I shouted again.

 

_“You’ll admit it sooner or later.”_ He whispered again before chuckling and disappearing from my mind. I clutched my head and shut my eyes tightly trying to control my breathing. As I calmed down, I was immediately thrown back to the reality I was currently in. The reality I was currently witnessing. It might’ve only been a few moments but it felt like an eternity.

 

 

With each flashback, the feeling in my chest grows heavier. Is this what it feels like to die? To lose something so important in my life? It felt like the life out of me was being sucked, leaving me void and empty.

 

No.... no... no...

 

 

Am I too late?

 

 

Please Tetsuya...

 

 

Not like this....

 

 

I slumped down on my knees. It was getting harder to breathe. I watched the scene unfold before my very eyes. The heaviness in my chest growing, becoming unbearable. There is a painful twisting in my stomach, like a thousand needles poking each and every corner. My hands trembled as I try to hold myself up against the wall. My legs losing their strength unable to support my body. My heart ripping into a billion pieces, like a glass dropped from the top of a building, shattered into a tiny pieces, as the scene before me unfolds.

 

 

 

Tetsuya... My Tetsuya... was kissing someone else.  
  


**End of POV**

**~~~~~END of Chapter 4~~~~~**

 

* * *

 

Author’s Note:

What do you guys think? Please don't forget to post a review. I would really appreciate it. :)

Once again, I apologize for not updating. I have been at my lowest for the past few months. I’m trying to get better but it’s hard. I’m trying my hardest to fight back and stand up again but every time I try, it’s like a coil is wrapped around my feet dragging me down there. But I will continue to try and get back on my feet. I hope you guys can forgive me for not updating for a long time. I’m really sorry.

I haven’t given up on this story. I just couldn’t work on it. My laptop was broken. The one I was using to write this. I actually have several chapters written just waiting to be posted but my laptop crashed. The software I am required to use in school is rather heavy and due to that, all the things I’ve written have been erased. I wasn’t able to make a backup. I trusted my laptop to hold itself together too much that when it crashed, all my hard work went down the drain.

My laptop is not the reason I’ve been at my lowest. It’s my heart. I have a hard time moving forward from the pain that I was in. It has affected my life drastically. But I have been trying. Trying my hardest to stand up again. And I hope that someday, I would be able to stand up with confidence.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:**

Hey guys, to be honest, I had a hard time writing this chapter. The emotions in it is hard to describe and I hoped that I was able to convey it with my words. I'm not good at writing, I'm trying to get better though. I apologize for any grammatical error and typo here. I hope you guys would enjoy this chapter. It's my first time writing something like this and I hope I was bale to use the appropriate words for the scenes. :)

* * *

 

I do not own Kuroko no Basket or any of the characters for that matter. **Tadatoshi Fujimaki~sama** owns them.

* * *

 

**Recap:**

I slumped down on my knees. It was getting harder to breathe. I watched the scene unfold before my very eyes. The heaviness in my chest growing, becoming unbearable. There is a painful twisting in my stomach, like a thousand needles poking each and every corner. My hands trembled as I try to hold myself up against the wall. My legs losing their strength unable to support my body. My heart ripping into a billion pieces, like a glass dropped from the top of a building, shattered into a tiny pieces, as the scene before me unfolds.

Tetsuya... My Tetsuya... was kissing someone else.

**End of Recap**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Akashi's POV  
...**

Cold. It felt like all the warmth I had inside me was suddenly ripped and stolen from me like a warm blanket taken away, it left me shivering in the cold, dark night.

Tetsuya... My Tetsuya... was kissing someone else.

The only remaining warmth I have was suddenly just taken from me. And it left me shivering from the sudden lack of warmth. A warmth that can never be recovered no matter how many blankets is covered around me.

Losing what little strength I have left, I felt my school bag slip from my grasp making it fall to the ground with a loud thump.

"Akashi-kun?" I heard someone call me. I turned to find teal colored eyes looking straight at me.

...

**End of POV**

* * *

**Kuroko's POV**

**...**

I heard a loud thump startling me and waking me up from my sudden shock. I felt warm but unfamiliar lips against mine. Getting back my sense of reality from the sound I heard, I pushed the person's chest back suddenly aware of my surroundings. We were outside. A public where anyone can see us. I pushed the person's chest making him stumble back. I turned to the direction at which I heard the thump come from. My face drained of color and warmth when I realized who it was, it made me hitch my breath.

My chest suddenly felt like needles were poking it. Like someone had punched it and it made me unconsciously rub the area. No bruise formed there because the damage was internal.

There he was standing in front of me with his head down. His hair covering his eyes and most of his face making it harder for me to know his expression. My fingers itched to thread themselves on his hair. Are they still as soft as they were before? I clenched my hand. Longing to touch him again. To feel his arms around me. His lips on mine. Igniting a fire in me no one else has ever done.

How do we go back there? How do we go there when we're right here?

I felt a hand on my arm. I looked up and realized I was with someone. He rubbed my arm up and down as if to tell me he was there to support me. I felt my face heat up when I remembered the warmth that was on my lips a few minutes ago. I unconsciously brought my hand up to touch my lips. As if realizing that I was remember what happened, a smirk formed its way on his lips causing my face only get warmer. Only to have that warmth replaced with an unsettling coldness when I realized we were not the only ones here. The color again, draining from my face when I realized Akashi-kun saw what happened. I clenched my eyes shut, cursing silently at the events that would soon follow this.

I heard a sharp intake of breath and looked up again to the pair of red eyes looking straight back at me. He took another deep breath as if to steady the nerves he was feeling.

"Think about what I said" he said as he looked into my eyes. All I can see was sincerity, telling me meant everything he said and did, a bit of worry, telling me he was afraid of my answer, and support, as if to tell me everything will be alright and whatever I chose he would remain by my side. With that he let go of my arm and grabbed his bag. He took a few steps away from me only to turn back and pull me in his arms, making me hitch my breath at the suddenness of the action. He pulled away and left leaving me on the side, breathless. I followed him with my eyes until I could no longer see him.

I looked back into the person who still had his head down. I reached up wanting to reach out to him only to retract my hand as if I'm afraid I would get burned. I took a shaky breathe to calm my nerves. I have a lot of things I need to think about. I have decision I needed to make. I have to choose for myself. What would make me happy and who would make me feel loved. The weight I felt inside my chest became heavier than they were this morning when I woke up. It was getting harder to breathe. But I must do what I have to do. I took a deep breath again.

Curiously, asking myself what I would do if I look at his eyes. Would I fall into an abyss and get lost in them again or would I just think about it as another pair of human eyes that held no special meaning for me? Would I feel the same sparks I felt back then now if when we touched? Would I feel the same warmth I felt when he holds me in his arms again? Would my heart beat fast against my chest, hammering like it would jump out of my chest the minute I hear his voice? Would I feel lightheaded to the point of fainting when I hear those three magic words I long to hear? Those questions can only be answered if I do something. I took another deep breath. I know that the events that would follow will either make me or break me.

"Akashi-kun?" I asked looking at him, wanting to look into those eyes.

...

**End of POV**

* * *

**Akashi's POV**

**...**

"Akashi-kun?" I heard someone call me. I turned to find teal colored eyes looking straight at me. Those eyes really looked like the sky on a fine day. Those eyes that once looked at me with so much love it took my breath away. Those eyes that are like clear glass reflecting what he felt with them. Those teal eyes I love so much.

Those eyes that looked at me curiously probably wondering why I was here. Why I was here after what I did to him? Why I had the nerve to show up after everything I put him through?

Questions littered my head. The events that occurred earlier tattooed in my mind replaying at a fast pace stopping at the scene I saw. Do you still love me? Can you give me another chance to make things right between us? Have you given up on me? Do you still have feelings for me? Am I too late? Have you moved on? What happened? Are you with Kagami Taiga now?

"Kagami Taiga?" I asked. It was the only words that left my mouth, soft but raspy as if I couldn't believe what I just saw was real. Some part of me hoped it was just an illusion. That my mind is so tired of thinking that it no longer functions well. That I'm so tired of listening to that voice inside my head that now my mind id starting to play tricks with my body, making me see things that aren't real. But the painful clenching in my heart is telling me to wake up and face reality. That is was real and not a figment of my imagination. That I saw you kiss someone. That your lips touched someone else's lips. That you felt someone else's warmth. That you moved on. That you felt something for someone else. That you love someone else now. That it's not me.

"Are you happy?" I asked again feeling the air sucked out of me. My heart beating fast as I await an answer. It was getting harder to speak. It felt like something was stuck in my throat. Preventing me from speaking. My heart felt like it would jumped out of my chest. But at the same time it felt like someone was crushing it with their bare hands and I could do nothing but feel it slowly crushing me.

"I am…" Tetsuya said, looking at me with something in his eyes that I can't seem to decipher. There's a ringing in my ears making me unable to hear the next words that left his mouth. I watch as his mouth move unable to read his lips. It felt like someone punched me in the gut and continuously kicked it when I slumped to the ground.

He's…. he's happy. This is it. He is happy now. This is it for me. The realization made my knees weak, wanting to collapse but I have to be strong. He deserved to be happy now. And it's not with me. He's happy now with someone else. And I have to accept that. This is reality and he's happy with someone who isn't me.

I should accept that so that he can move on. I have to be happy for him. _Come on Seijuro, smile. You know how to do that. You have practiced all your life. You know how to smile. You know how to hide those emotions. You need to suppress them and hide those feelings from showing in your eyes._ Tetsuya can read me like a book. But I must try to hide it. It's the only way I can stay intact. Even if my heart is scattered into millions of tiny pieces, I must smile genuinely. Tetsuya deserved to be happy. Even if it's not with me. I must…. I must smile and show him I'm happy for him. This is the least I can do after everything I did. I smiled. This time a genuine one. Tetsuya is happy.

"I understand" I said as I looked into his eyes and I smiled. He looked taken aback with what I said. He thought I would be angry. I am. But not with him. I'm angry with myself for letting him go. For letting the one things that made me happy go. For letting the one person who gave me his all and made me feel warmth slip out of my fingers. I was too late. I clenched my fist.

I looked at his eyes and he looked at me with what I can only assume as pity. So that is how a person looks like when he feels sympathy for someone. I, for the first time in my life, felt what it's like to be pitied. I laughed silently. Even after all this, it seems like Tetsuya is still my first in everything.

"Don't…" I say as he tried to approach me. I don't want him to pity me. I did this. This was because I was not strong enough to protect him. It's not his fault he's happy with someone else. He deserves that. He's been through so much. The damage I caused can only be repaired by another now. It hurt. It hurt to know I can't do anything to bring a smile on that face.

I took a deep breath and stared at him again. Memorizing every feature on his face. Every curve. Every angle. Those eyes that seem to be windows to the soul. Those eyes that seem to see through my every mask. That cute nose that made want to tease him every time we were together. Those lips. Lips that made my day every time it turned up. Giving me warmth making me feel happy just by seeing them turn up into the most dazzling smile I have witnessed in my life. Those lips that can give another person hell when they are turned down making me torture the said person for causing that frown to form. Those lips that make me feel hot when they are tight and straight making it known to me that I annoyed him. Challenging my authority making him seem feisty. Making me run for my money just to bring it up again.

"Akashi-kun…" he tried again, taking another step towards me, his hand raised as if to reach me but I held up my hand. I closed my eyes and memorized the sound of his voice. Trying to imagine him telling me he loved me but that was impossible now. He was with someone else. It was not me who made him happy. There was a lump in my throat like a sob that was about to come out but I swallowed it. Not allowing myself to show weakness. I don't want him to think of me as weak.

I closed my eyes imagining his smiling face. That smile that once upon a time was put there by me. The smile that seemed to light up the room every time he came to visit me. The smile that was once only reserved for me. Now it was for someone else. I took another deep breath.

"Tetsuya, be happy…" I smiled as I said this, a single tear slipping out of my eye. But I was satisfied that I was able to say that despite the feeling of something stuck in my throat. I want the last thing he remembers about me is me smiling. And with that I grabbed my bag and left as more tears streamed down my face.

…

..

…

…

_I love you Tetsuya. Be happy Tetsuya. You're happiness is my happiness. Be happy… for me. Because you are my last happiness._

…

…

…

…

[Note: This is a song that inspired me to write this chapter. I hope you guys can find the time to check it out. You'll know why I think this song is appropriate for this chapter. Anyways, sorry for interrupting :")]

"Don't be sorry,  
That makes me more pitiful  
With your pretty red lips  
please hurry, kill me and go  
I'm all right

…

Look at me one last time  
Smile like nothing's wrong,  
So when I miss you, I can remember  
So I can draw your face in my mind

…

My selfishness that couldn't let you go  
Turned into an obsession that imprisoned you  
Were you hurt because of me?  
You sit silently  
Why am I a fool, why can't I forget you  
You're already gone

…

Your eyes, nose, lips  
Your touch that used to touch me,  
To the ends of your fingertips  
I can still feel you  
But like a burnt out flame,  
Burnt and destroyed all of our love  
It hurts so much, but now  
I'll call you a memory

…

I Love you, I loved you  
I must have not been enough  
Maybe I could see you  
Just once by coincidence  
Everyday I grow restless,

…

Everything about you  
Is becoming faint  
You smile back in our pictures,  
…

Unknowing of our approaching farewell

My selfishness that couldn't let you go  
Turned into an obsession that imprisoned you  
Were you hurt because of me?  
You sit silently  
Why am I a fool, why can't I forget you  
You're already gone

…

Your eyes, nose, lips  
Your touch that used to touch me,  
To the ends of your fingertips  
I can still feel you  
But like a burnt out flame,  
Burnt and destroyed all of our love  
It hurts so much, but now  
I'll call you a memory

…

Your eyes that only saw me  
Your nose that held the sweetest breath  
Your lips that whispered  
'I love you, I love you'… I…

…

Your eyes, nose, lips  
Your touch that used to touch me,  
To the ends of your fingertips  
I can still feel you  
But like a burnt out flame,  
Burnt and destroyed all of our love  
It hurts so much, but now  
I'll call you a memory" – Taeyang [Eyes, Nose, Lips (English Translation)]

...

**End of POV**

**~~~~~END of Chapter 5~~~~~**

* * *

**Author's Note:**

At the end of Akashi's POV is one of my favorite songs. It's the translated version. The original song is in Korean but if you hear it, you will know why I decided to include it here. I've been a fan of this person since BIGBANG became big in 2010 and I just want to share this song to everyone because it's appropriate to the current scene that I have in this story. So if you have the time, please check out the video. Music has no boundaries. Language is not a disadvantage here. If you just hear the song, you'll know why I speak so highly of it.

I'm a Kpop fan. I've been a Kpop fan since 2009.

This is the music video if found in youtube so you can just search it. I would really appreciate it if you guys listen to it. It's my inspiration for this chapter. Taeyang from BIGBANG sang the song.

There is also an engish version of this sang by Eric Nam and Lydia. You can search for it in youtube too.

* * *

Anyways, what do you guys think of this chapter? I was having a hard time trying to portray the heaviness in this scene but I don't know how well it will turn up for you guys. It's hard to write scene filled with love and happiness but it is harder to write a scene that portrays sadness and heartbreak. It's my first time writing a scene filled with the feeling of heaviness so I don't know if I was able to deliver it well in words. What do you guys think? Please don't forget to post a review. I'd really appreciate it. :")

* * *

I've been diagnosed with depression and it seems like I will have to take medication for it. I talked to a psychiatrist earlier this week after my mom urged me to go. And it seems like it was a good decision. Had I not gone there, I wouldn't have realized my depression was that deep. I will try to get better and hopefully be able to overcome this obstacle.

**Author's Note:**

> kyaaah! Gomen nasai! *bows*. I wanted to try something different so I wrote this. I apologize for the slight difference in their personalities from the manga/anime. I hope you guys forgive me.....  
> Sooo ummmm... Tell me what you guys think! :")))
> 
> ~maeriiiiii-chan


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